Greetings and salutations, we begin our first broadcast day from the captain’s helm at the center of awareness. Star date -305834.54303018766. Stay woke.
Welcome to Murals for Thought. My name is Philip Lindsey. This is my first post, my first blog and really my first time sharing my writing. So this is totally uncharted territory for me. I have been writing for myself since I was a kid. It started as small notes and short stories, which eventually became clutter. I would waste so much paper! As I got older, and admittedly more emo, I started writing poems. A few years ago, I started journaling to avoid bottling up my feelings. Sometimes I write letters to loved ones. It helps me contemplate about what I may want to express in person. I’ve found writing letters even more useful when I couldn’t talk to someone in person, like my mother. She passed away when I was 19. I wrote her frequently around that time. I write partially for therapeutic reasons, but I’ve found I write casually often.
I don’t usually share anything I write, barring rare occasions with close friends. My best friend has been telling me for years I should blog. I never really considered myself a writer. Writing was just something I did instinctively but never thought about sharing. I told her once, “Nobody is interested in what I have to say.” I’m not sure if I really believed that or if I was just afraid to try it. My writing is personal most of the time, and anybody who knows me knows I am not a sharer. Nonetheless, I’m here and the stream of consciousness is officially open. So lmma just go then we’ll figure it out from there. Form follows functions, as Lupe Fiasco said. If we function properly things will form themselves.
Form Follows Function is a song from Lupe Fiasco’s fourth album, Food & Liquor II. I highly recommend it if you haven’t heard it.
I decided to start this blog because I really wanted to try something new. In my spare time, I sketch and have no problem sharing my drawings. I even get a little nervous when it comes to that because I’m an introvert. I can be self-conscious sometimes but I am much more confident in that my artwork. I would imagine that’s because I have more experience drawing. I’ve taken several drawing classes so I’m used to being critiqued and when I think about it I’ve always been encouraged to draw. Writing is more daunting for me because it feels so personal. It’s never easy to share a part of yourself that you are used to tucking away.
2016 wasn’t a good year. It wasn’t for many of us but it’s what encouraged this. I endured some of my most challenging experiences professionally, personally and socially in the last 8 months. It started around May. I was having a tough time in a long distant relationship with my girlfriend and fiancé and we ended up going through a really bad breakup, after 5 years together. I was devastated.
I graduated from college in 2008, with a fine arts degree. I have worked in finance/administration since. Let me tell you. That is like spending years planning to go to Disney World but ending up going to work with your parents to play with the copier and type fictitious memos. Every week! You don’t know why you’re there and it’s not fun for anyone involved after a while. I need to do something creative. When I don’t I feel incredibly unfulfilled.
We are also coming out of the most contentious presidential election of our time. I will leave my personal feelings about our new president, and the campaign he ran, on the cutting room floor. At least for this post, that’s a topic for another day. This election and its outcome have made for some divisive debates at home, work and online, though. It has made me question people I thought I knew and it continues to make me question the progress I thought this country made over the last decade.
Suffice to say I have been severely depressed. It’s something I’m still dealing with today. I started writing this on March 1st. I have been really trying to dig myself out of this hole since the beginning of the year. I finally got to a better place last month but I was still hitting a wall. I became certain the only way I could really start living unrestricted was to try something new and stop clinging to old habits. Sometimes you just need a fresh start. So starting this year, I’ve been reading more and trying to hone my writing skills. I discovered I really enjoy writing and I know if I want to improve I have to get over feeling uneasy sharing my writing. This blog is both a necessity and sounding board. I plan to share my experiences, stories, poems and opinions here. We will see where it goes from there.
I have been apprehensive but I’m learning to let go of fears and expectations. It’s been liberating. If you’re reading this, I really appreciate it and I want to leave you with a challenge. I challenge you to do something new as well. It seems really simple, doesn’t it? It really isn’t sometimes, though. If there is something you have wanted to try, go for it. Even if it’s just a whim that crossed your mind this morning, do it! Make positive change in your life starting today. Don’t put it off another day. You’ll just make time to talk yourself out of or overanalyze it. I know I have the tendency to do that myself. Don’t be like me. Erm…well I mean don’t make that same mistake. Start small if you have to but start somewhere. Here’s a helpful article if you need an extra push.
Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao Tzu
That’s where I’ll leave you. Thank you for taking a chance on this blog. I will try to continue to bring you my ramblings and travels unfiltered. Hopefully, you continue to visit. Feel free to comment below. Feedback, discussion, questions, and well wishes are always welcome.
Side Note: I promise I only used stay woke as a joke. I won’t use it any other way here. No disrespect to my Hotep brethren but I ain’t bout that life. 😉